Ahsan Is A Complete Fucking Jackass And Doesn't Deserve To Write About The Game And Is Able To Do So Only Because His Friend Started A Blog

I would have written a post with this heading at the end of the series but a reader issued a friendly reminder and requested I do it now, so I'm doing it now. As some of you may recall, this is what I wrote in a post at the conclusion of the home series against the Windies:

Before I move off Pakistan, I want to talk about Imran the Terrible. His flashy, lucky batting has just guaranteed him three tests in South Africa. I've never been good with predictions, but mark my words. Print this post out, underline it, highlight it in pink, yellow and green, do whatever the hell you want. My prediction is this: Imran the Terrible will be a complete, unmitigated disaster in South Africa. I'm talking Agarkar-in-Australia-in-2000 type disaster. I'm talking Atapattu-in-his-debut-series disaster. If he averages more than 15 in South Africa, I promise to write a post with the heading "Ahsan is a complete fucking jackass and doesn't deserve to write about the game and is able to do so only because his friend started a blog". You can hold me to this. I will hold myself to this. 15 is the magic number. Remember this.

Since Imran the Terrible has already scored 26 and 68 in this Test, it means he can't possibly average less than 15. So there you go.

Just once, just one measly time, I want one of my predictions to come out right. How can I know so much about the game and never, I mean never, get one right? What sort of horrible curse is this? Oh, well. Actually, if you think about it, I am actually helping all eleven of our readers in a roundabout way. See, if any of you want to gamble on sports, just read this blog and then pick the opposite of whatever I say. At this rate, you'll be a millionaire by June.