On Chelsea, And Why They Shouldn't Have Any Fans

I was watching the Chelsea-Liverpool game on the weekend and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t understand how Chelsea have any fans at all. Seriously. Starting from the manager down, they’re a bunch of pricks. They really are. Every single decision taken by the referee is a cause for umbrage. Their reactions suggest that Chelsea players never actually commit fouls. The ball never actually touches them last before going out. They’re never caught offside, and they all volunteer at Mother Teresa’s homeless shelter in their spare time.

Ashley Cole is by far the worst. As if his off-the-pitch assholicness was not enough – remember him bitching out Arsenal before his move to Chelsea? – he’s a complete and utter dick on the pitch. Every time the ref blows his whistle against him – even when it’s absolutely justified – he throws his arms up, launches a blistering profanity-laced tirade at the ref, and makes it seem as if he’s been hard done by.

Here’s my question: why don’t refs punish this sort of behavior more often? If a player protests a decision – and I’m using “protests” in the loosest possible sense of the term – why doesn’t the referee give the guy a yellow card for dissent? After all, they would be perfectly well within their rights to do so. Plus, if more refs were willing to yellow card ridiculous behavior, it stands to reason that you would see less of the ridiculous behavior. If managers hate one thing, it’s their players picking up needless yellow cards. If Cole and his brethren were penalized more often by the men in black, you wouldn’t have to wait long for Mourinho and other managers to ensure that their players are better behaved on the pitch. Why the referees tolerate this nonsense in football, when officials in no other sport do so, is beyond me.

By the way, I’m not saying this because I have some sort of aversion to watching players swear at the ref (even though I do). I’m saying this because the pressure that teams like Chelsea exert on the referee is a very real phenomenon that has very real and tangible results. By now, I’m sure everyone has seen the atrocious decision that granted Chelsea a penalty against Liverpool. I don’t blame the ref for that decision, but the Chelsea players. They were all over the ref the entire game. What’s worse is that Mourinho, ever ready to complain when his side is on the wrong end of a penalty decision (which doesn’t happen often), said after the game he couldn’t pass judgment on the decision (even though a blind, deaf man could) and that the result was a fair one since, according to him, Liverpool played better in the first half and Chelsea better in the second (which was bullshit). So when Chelsea draw a game that they should have lost as a result of a horrible penalty decision, it’s a fair result. When, however, Chelsea have a player sent off unfairly, the referee receives death threats and has to retire. Nice, Jose. Really nice.