Shoaib Speaks

I swear upon my unborn child's life that Shoaib Akhtar, Donald Trump hairstyle and all, said the following things last night in an interview on Dawn News channel:

• "I have been a good boy for the last three, four months." (He said this as if it were a major accomplishment)

• "...Woolmer died, he quit, and he left with me all these controversies." (Basically, the worst part of Bob Woolmer's death was the fact that there was only one person left alive to answer questions on the Woolmer-Shoaib relationship)

• "..this is not the way to treat your stars." (Question: don't you have to, you know, actually play to be considered a star?)

• "Just because my servants got the letter doesn't mean I got the letter." (In other words, any breakdown in communication between him and the board is not his responsibility, but the result of a less-than-perfect domestic staff)

• "Dafinitely, if the deciyen [of the board on his appeal] is not one I like, I will consider the ICL offer." (Please do. And don't let the door hit you on the way out. It'll probably cause you to miss nine months through injury)

There were numerous other highlights, such as him appealing to the masses to leave him alone (how can you complain about the spotlight when you obviously crave it so much?) and giving his exact address in Islamabad (he gave the area, street and house number) on national television. You know how I wrote a few months ago that Pakistan should say goodbye to Shoaib Akhtar? I take it back. His comedic value alone makes him invaluable and everything possible should be done to make sure he's around, if not actually playing.