That, my friends, is my suggestion for PIA's new slogan since "Great People to Fly With" has run its course, as has the consumer favorite ("Perhaps I'll Arrive"). Now, I'm hoping that I'm not treading on Mosharraf Zaidi's territory here, since he has in the past laid claim to
being aghast over PIA's ineptitude (a
google search of "PIA site:mosharrafzaidi.com" returns 74 results, which itself is quite a story for a weekly columnist who only started writing last year). But I can't resist, so forgive me, Mosh.
Today's Dawn
is reporting that the airline lost a whopping Rs.5.4
billion in the first six months of this year. Moreover, the report is filed in the same sort of tone that a parent adopts when their athletically challenged child finishes last in a school race -- "now, now,
beta, at least you finished ahead of, uh...well, um, the point is you tried." Honestly, go read the report. You really get the feeling that the reporter or Dawn's editors are actually happy about this outcome.
Thankfully, regular reader Wasay sent me their
annual financial report from last year (i.e. before the "encouraging" five and a half billion rupee loss). It makes for highly entertaining reading. Before we get to the hard data, let me show you a couple of pictures.
That's the first page of their annual report. No, seriously. Because if there's one thing I think when I think of PIA, it's "the budding era of growth." Wait, there's more.
I'd make some lame joke about how you have a better shot of getting where you need to go on a bloody air balloon than a PIA flight, but I'll spare you. Please continue to note the soaring rhetoric.
Ideology? They
do know this is a financial statement for a business, not a manifesto for a new political party, right? What, exactly, is PIA's ideology? Do they even know what the word "ideology" means? Let's move on.
Alright, enough with the pictures. I don't know if I'm ready to crunch some numbers, but I
am pumped up as hell. LET'S DO THIS! YEAHHH!
So if you go to pgs 58-65 of the report, you will notice the following things that Wasay pointed out for me:
1. In 2008, PIA reported a loss of about Rs.35 billion. Read that number again.
2. in 2008, PIA had about 18,000 employees.
3. According to
Hina Rabbani Khar, Minister of State for Finance and Economic Affairs, only 2.5 million Pakistani pay taxes.
Using basic arithmetic, we can arrive at the following conclusions:
1. Each Pakistani taxpayer basically paid Rs. 14000 to the government to finance PIA's losses. As Wasay said, think about how many schools and hospitals you could build if each Pakistani taxpayer paid that much money for, um, schools and hospitals.
2. We could save ourselves a whole hell of a lot of trouble if the government simply gave each PIA employee a check for Rs. 2 million at the beginning of the year, and told them to stay home.
The financial bottom line would stay essentially the same. Think about that.
We could even cut the middleman (the government) out by having groups of 142 taxpayers each pay their Rs.14000 share straight to a PIA employee of their choice, and we could all call it a day.
All jokes aside, this is a truly sordid state of affairs. And this is not some deep-rooted, nigh-on unsolvable problem like the Taliban war or anything. The solution is simple: STOP GIVING MONEY TO PIA! For God's sake, stop giving money to PIA. Please.
Anyway, I thought the cast of characters atop the airline also presented a fairly interesting picture. For instance, the chairman of PIA, Mr. Chaudhary Ahmed Mukhtar, is said by the report to be the "perfect blend of a businessman and a politician", which naturally leads one to wonder why PIA couldn't just be handed over to the perfect businessman instead. The report also tells us that the Managing Director, Captain Mohammad Aijaz Haroon, "hails from the famous Memon community known for its business acumen in Pakistan." I wish I was making this stuff up.
Then there's Lt. Gen (Retd) Syed Athar Ali, who is a director on PIA's board and whose qualifications are impressive for a war strategist but not so impressive for someone in charge of turning an airline around. This is his full mini-profile:
Lt. Gen (Retd) Syed Athar Ali is a nominated director since November, 2008. He holds Masters Degrees in War Studies from National Defence University and International Relations from Columbia University, USA. He is presently Federal Secretary Defence. He held various command, staff and instructional appointments which include representation of Pakistan on UN Peace-Keeping Mission in Sierra Leone in the dual capacity of Deputy Force Commander and Chief Military Observer for more than two years. Lt. Gen. Ali is a recipient of Hilal-i-Imtiaz (Military).
Now, someone has to explain two things to me. First, if PIA is ok with losing 35 billion rupees, how about make it 35 billion and 500 hundred, and hire someone who can actually write grammatically correct English to write this nonsense? Second, is there anything in that profile that suggests this man is a director of PIA for any reason other than the fact he is, or knows someone, important? When people complain about bureaucrats and ex-military generals and colonels dominating civil society, this is what they mean.
I don't even want to imagine what each director makes as a monthly salary, but I have to imagine its at least a million (10 lakhs) a month. At least. And since this man, according to the report itself, is currently Federal Secretary Defence, can anyone proffer a guess how many times he actually showed up to work? The man has another job, for the love of God -- one that he is infinitely more qualified for, I might add.
So there you go. The Pakistani taxpayers are financing an airline that loses money better than it flies planes, financing cushy jobs for cronies and bureaucrats and retired military men, and financing the ludicrous continuation of this failed enterprise.
Can anyone tell me why?